One of the most asked questions that I’ve been getting lately is if I’m still making Youtube videos? The answer is a tough one because I hate the fact that I’ve let a machine, a code, an algorithm, defeat me and my pursuits to create. The truth is, Youtube is a battle unlike any that I have faced prior. I went into the experience with a game plan, a map and an expectation of how fast I could grow my channel if I was truly honest and transparent. I figured, if this is the most vulnerable that I’ve ever allowed myself to be, surely the outcome will be worth it. Since time is money and it takes me about two to three days to shoot and edit each video due to this being a learn-as-I-go process, I thought I would easily hit the 1k subscriber requirement it takes to monetize my content which would justify how much energy I’m putting into my efforts. Seven months into this project and 185 subscribers later, I can honestly tell you just how naive I was in my expectations.

From my experience thus far, I can, without a doubt, tell you that Youtube is a nucleus of its own and does not (or rarely does) give you, the creator, instant gratification. It is not a place for overnight success and is the epitome of “slow and steady”. I’m sure there are ways to expedite your subscriber count but that will leave you, just as Instagram did, with a big following number that does not covert to organic acquisitions. Youtube is a place to build and share for yourself and if your motives are ones for financial success or popularity, you are building in the wrong place. You have to stay committed to yourself and express your thoughts and ideas freely as if you’re merely creating a digital diary, a moving scrapbook of your thoughts and experiences that you wish to look back on later in life. You document your interests and create content for the moment. You build from the heart with pure intentions for you and you alone. Maybe it will pay off, maybe it won’t, but that’s the thrill of it.

Seven months and 185 subscribers; is that enough time for me to truly give myself an honest shot at creating content and sharing stories through my own personal perspective? Has that been enough time for me to get comfortable in front of the camera? Has that been enough time for me to find my voice, one that could perhaps resonate with others? And lastly, have I found a way to contribute to the ethos? Absolutely not. 

Back to the drawing board. New video coming soon.