I just started opening up slots for paid test shoots which is something that I haven’t really done in a couple of years. Like I stated many times, I was on a hiatus from making photographs and dealing with anything that put me in the same mental space of my old, wild life. To be honest, I didn’t know if I still had “it”. I didn’t know if the new sober, conscious me could compete with the old heavily induced free-spirited me. It’s easy to create when you’re mentally and physically checked out, in la-la-land with the aide of drugs and booze. It’s even necessary when you become co-dependent on said substances because it’s how you made all of your work over the past decade. And yes, I am taking about myself. So of course I was a bit intimidated and wondered if I could tap into the same vibe I used to have but this time do it with true creative intentions rather than trying to turn every experience into an opportunity to get wild. I quickly discovered that the answer is yes. When you’re a creative, a true creative and someone who absolutely loves the medium, the spirit you thought you could only conjure up in the dark can actually be called upon as soon as your camera turns on. While shooting I felt a tremendous focus come over me and I went into a flow-state where things moved at a fast pace (something that I was always known for. Most of my shoots rarely ever took over 30 minutes) and everything just sort of worked out. I felt way more present, way more alive than I ever have before. So, why do I bring this up? Because if you were ever like me and thought you needed to live a rockstar lifestyle in order to be creative, you’re mistaken. To be completely honest, the fact that someone is paying me to do a job, it’s my responsibility to give them a clear mind that sees all perspectives and can adjust and steer the visual atmosphere rather than being a one-trick-pony and expediting the process just to chase down another wild night.
Why would someone pay for a test shoot if so many photographers would shoot for free? The experience. The content. Most of all, the fact that they trust the person behind the camera.